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**Official GM Disclaimer: If you are reading this post and you are male, I would like to give you a little heads up. Conversations about dating can get sticky. They can get even stickier when written from a woman's perspective. Please don't feel like I condone the ancient female practice of "Man Bashing" by writing this post. I do not. I love men. Y'all are some delightful creatures...most of the time. I just have to call 'em like I see 'em...and sometimes I see some mistakes in y'alls "game!" :) At any rate, men folk; thanks for reading and by all means, sound off in the comment section...the ladies of GM (or at least this lady) need insight!**
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I was talking with a good friend of mine, we'll call him Manny, recently about the joys of being single. Manny had found himself interested in a really great girl, and they were on the fast track to that annoying place I like to call "Gray Area."
You know...that place where you're not "just friends" anymore because there are feelings involved, but you're certainly not dating each other? That, my friends, is a dangerous neighborhood; at night, during the day, on Sundays, period. It's not somewhere you need to be stopping.
I told Manny that in my experience the most frustrating thing about Gray Area is that sometimes guys allow the relationship to stop there and never leave. It's comfortable, it's welcoming, the houses are nice, the ice cream man comes by regularly, it's like suburbia.
Gray Area.(Population: 2)
Granted, Gray Area can serve as a nice vacation. It's halfway between Friend Ship and something more. It's a great place to get things together before moving to The Couple Hood.
The Couple Hood. The problem is, if you stay in Gray Area too long, things get dicey. Gray Area after dark: not a pretty place to be. Once you've been there awhile things get confusing. One person or the other wonders when you're going to get out of this dump and make the move to The Couple Hood. And if you're dragging your feet about making the move then Gray Area starts to resemble Splitsville.
Splitsville. (Population: a bunch of
I'm sure it goes without saying, but Splitsville...no es bueno. It's lonely. It's dangerous. It's filled with
All neighborhoods considered, I offered Manny some
Then Manny shared with me his philosophy for interacting with the fairer sex. Manny said something that I think I'll embroider on a pillow or have put on t-shirts for girls (and guys!) to hand out on first dates:
"Fish or cut bait."
Now, for those of you that aren't fluent in Midwestern fishing analogies "fish or cut bait" can also be translated to:
"Make a move or move on."
What a concept! Manny believed that you shouldn't make your stay in Gray Area an extended one!? Wait a stinkin' minute...Manny is a guy. Manny is a guy, and he believes in being upfront with his intentions?! Will wonders never cease!?
Naturally I told Manny that I completely agreed with his "fish or cut bait" philosophy and that women around the world would be thanking him for his upfront approach to dating. I encouraged him to not let his visit to Gray Area last too long, lest his lady friend reroute them to Splitsville.
And then, I told him that he had inspired my latest blog topic. (And promised him anonymity.)
Which leads me to a question I'll pose to my dear Poodles and ____________ (*insert witty male version of "Poodles" here*)...
What's your philosophy on Gray Area? Do you like it there? Do you avoid it? Any tips on how to get on the fast track from Gray Area to The Couple Hood? What are your experiences with the joys of dating and relating with the opposite sex?
Let those comments fly!
6 comments:
I loved this! Brilliant. And Manny is wise to know that he needs to fish or cut bait.
Gray Area is definitely a dangerous place to be, and I've been there more times than I'd like to admit. While it can be loads of fun, eventually it will lead to trouble of the splitsville kind, and nobody wants to be there. In college, we had a term for Gray Area: frugling. It pretty much means that everyone else but you knows that you're going out (I googled it to check my spelling, and there is a blog here http://blog.chrisrouse.us/?p=5 that gives really good definitions, and even a mention of JBU. :)
I realize that I don't really have any advice on this, just saying that I can relate. But Manny seems to pretty much know what he's doing, and you're right about girls wanting to know what's going on.
[If this is what you've been working on and why you've been so silent lately, it was well worth the wait. :)]
Gray area sucks! Been there, done that, didn't want the tshirt! LOL
You're either dating or you're not. It's that simple. No guy friend can assume anything of you if he has not had the DTR with you and made clear his intentions. From that you can decide if you're down with following him or not (ie just being friends or graduating to a couple).
If the guy is clear, the girl can be clear. Or think about it and then give an answer. LOL But she's gotta do it quickly and not hem and haw about it. LOL
Either way, the ball's in the guy's court - if he wants to serve you gotta decide if ya wanna play.
Smiles!!!
Pretty interesting BLOG post. I feel like I am confident enough to put my two cents in on this topic. Anyway you have hit on one of the biggest problems in making the leap from friendship to dating, and I do believe it is a good idea to start out as friends then go from there. I think it develops a better relationship, because the friendship is already there. However, I digress, the problem in the end is timing. If you jump the gun, the perception is that there is a greater chance of getting a no answer. You don’t want to hear no if you don’t have to. It is not fun for the ego. Plus there is a concern that it will cause the friendship to go away or be changed. Over the years I have learned that probably is not going to happen, but it is in the back of your head. I have always viewed asking a girl out as being like cross-examining a witness. Lawyers always say never ask a question that you do not know the answer to. Ideally you can figure out what the answer is going to be before it is asked. I know not a romantic analogy, but I think it is apt. For me if it seems like things are progressing then why do anything to de-rail it. It is when things get to a plateau that you have to have some sort of discussion on where things stand.
As for the gray area, I don’t know of any guy that likes that. If you are in the gray area you have no peace. You keep going over things, analyzing and over analyzing, it can keep you up at nights. You think about it all the time trying to come up with an answer, but with no new info you are not going to come up with anything. It is just as frustrating for the guy if not more so, since it is on him to make the move.
Like I said interesting stuff. I am guessing you are going to get a lot of discussion on this.
You are right though guys probably wait too long. Once I have a pretty good idea on how I feel, and how she feels I will make the decision to "fish or cut bait." You just get to a point in your decision making process where you just say screw it, and live with your decision. At least I do. As the song goes "sometimes the cards aren't worth a dime, if you don't lay them down."
Yeah, the gray area just plain sucks. The guy (some of them) don't make their intentions known and then you are just stuck! You don't know whether to be direct with them or just wait to see what they say or happens. Then you feel comfortable and want to stay, so you don't do anything about it! I do everything in my power to stay out of the gray area. Thankfully my boyfriend now was very REAL and upfront with me from the beginning. I knew that we were dating because he made his intentions know. Granted, some boys are shy and need a little push. But after you are past the friendship stage and there is a little something more to it, it needs a definition other wise sooner or later someone is going to get hurt. My ex and I considered dating others once while we were still with each other, and I can't believe I ever considered it. It's not quite the same as a gray area, but very close. For a gal it's very hard emotionally and for the guy, if he is a player, he can move on more easily. Then the poor girl is left broken hearts. Some guys are decent and are caring, so I know it goes both ways. So hopefully for both of the guy and girl's sake they figure out what they are and either define it as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend..." or move on. Being burned is not fun, losing a friendship is not fun, all together, a gray area is not fun. There you go! That's my two cents worth! :) Thanks for following my blog by the way. I enjoy yours! Have a good night.
I was laughing to myself the entire time that I was reading this. I love over-analyzing things (like this) to the point that they're just flat out hilarious, when in all reality...they aren't.
Thank you for the much needed laugh.
And for the record, I agree on the gray area thing. It does get too confusing if you stay there too long and I almost made that mistake this time around, but NO FEAR. I didn't. We were spared!
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