What Alarm Clock?

< .sarcasm. > I love it when I oversleep! < /sarcasm >

I didn't wake up until 7:40am this morning. I have to be at work by 8:15am 8:00am...which means I have to leave my driveway no later than 8:05am 7:50am. What does 10 minutes of time to get ready, take my Elderberry (can't be getting Swine Flu!), and make my breakfast mean?

It means the boys at work do not get "pretty Lins" today. They get "I-had-10-minutes-to-get-ready-and-7-of-those-minutes-were-occupied-by-Elderberry-consumption-and-PB&J-making Lins." Aren't they lucky!?

You can just imagine the sheer hotness that is radiating off of me at this very moment.

My poor coworkers. Those boys have to deal with me looking like this...


Instead of like this. (Obviously what I normally look like. Obviously.)


Those poor, dear Moodles. I do hope they'll manage.

NG, Meet Youtube.

Haaaaaaapy Friday, Poodles! Thank heaven it's finally here! How was everyone's week? Judging by the blogs I keep up with it's been a busy one all the way around.

Mine is no exception to that rule. I spent yesterday's workday catching up on the work orders I hadn't invoiced yet, and after work it was family haircut night. I swear I'm still finding little pieces of hair on me from that event! Can't complain, though - it keeps my skills (and my shears) sharpened!

I can't say that I have a witty, introspective, thought-provoking post for you today, but I do have some insanely cute video footage, captured by yours truly!

Let me set up the clip for you! (Don't I sound like I'm on Letterman?!) New Girl is spending the morning with me while Sparky is out running bids. She's 11-weeks old now and she's finally getting some more energy. She's discovered one of the joys in her life is crawling into my lap (while I'm at the computer) and watching my mouse pointer move around on the screen. This is where my bright idea was formed.

I figured if she likes watching a mouse pointer then she would LOVE Youtube videos. And if she loves Youtube videos, then she'd go nuts for a video with a cat in it. So off I went to find just the right mix of up-close-and-personal cat footage and meow-filled audio.

This is the video NG and I finally decided on...



So NG gets settled in on my lap, I get my camera ready (cell phone camera, sorry for the crappy quality!) and away we go.

And this...this is the adorableness that ensued (complete with my muffled snickers and camera shaking as I'm attempting to hold in the cackles! Sorry!)



I'm telling you, NG would throw her head from side to side and nearly go off the side of my lap from the momentum changes. What I didn't capture on video was NG running around the office, while the video finished playing, barking and looking everywhere she could think of for the cat she was sure was making all that racket.

Talk about Cute Overload. That, my dear Poodles, is what you call completely snorgable behavior!

Smooches,

The New Girl

I am no longer the only woman in my office. Sparky brought the new girl in on Monday. The guys in the office love her already...sometimes it's like I'm not even here. And as if that wasn't bad enough, The New Girl is so much cuter than me it's not even funny!

She's sweet.

She's funny.

She has beautiful brown eyes.

She has legs that go on for days.

She makes everyone laugh.

She sleeps a lot.

She chews on socks.

She potties on the carpet once in awhile.

She chews on power cords.

And I'm pretty sure she would drink from the toilet if you gave her the chance.

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Poodles, meet The New Girl. NG for short.

I told you she was cute...

....and leggy....

....and that she sleeps a lot....

....and those eyes!

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I don't stand a chance.

Will Wonders Never Cease

As I waltzed into my office this morning I noticed something VERY unusual on my desk. We're talking this-has-never-happened-before-and-most-likely-will-never-happen-again unusual. As I walked in the door I saw these on my desk!


I saw those on my desk with this attached to the arrangement.



Yes, that's Sparky's handwriting. Yes, he is a master of the English language. I'm just happy they remembered without me having to tell them.

So, to all of you "Administrative Professionals" out there, enjoy your day and be sure to guilt those bosses into flowers, lunch, presents, or all of the above.








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Listening to: Kenny Rogers - Have I Told You Lately That I Love You

Phone Licker

Please enjoy today's installment of "He Said/She Said." The following conversation is factual. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

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Cast of characters
L-Dubb (LD): Me. Attractive, unassuming office manager.
Sparky (S): My "boss." Foul-mouthed "Flogging Molly" fan. In essence, a modern day "Big." (Think Tom Hanks, not Chris Noth.) Essentially, 13-year old trapped in a 30-year old's body.
Mrs. Busybody (Mrs. B): Random, innocent, unsuspecting customer who called at the worst possible moment.

Setting
LD is sitting at her desk, quietly checking her Facebook working. S comes tripping through the front door, gear in tow. S is no longer sniffing, hacking, coughing, and generally dying of a cold while standing up like he has been all morning.

Conversation
LD: Welcome back, Sparky!
S: You miss me?
LD: Uhm. Sure?
S: (tripping over his murse) F*** you! I know you f***in' missed me.
LD: Right. Mr. F called for you. I sent a couple builders into your voicemail.
S: (yelling from his office) I f***in' hate Mr. F. I'm not calling that bast*** back.
LD: (to herself) Oooookay, Sparky.
S: (coming out of his office) DUDE! Listen to this! *breathes in reaaaaaly deep through his nose*
LD: Uhm, good for you?
S: F*** you! I can breathe! Can't you hear that? *breathes in reaaaaly deep again* I'm not stuffed up with all that d*** mucus.
LD: Did you take something? (under her breath) Like crack?
S: (pacing back and forth) This Sudafed stuff. You shove it up your nose and now I'm not all f***in' stuffed up! You should really try it!
LD: I'll have to remember that if I get sick because you're running a fever and yet insist on coming to work.
S: (stops pacing) Oh! You'll get sick.
LD: (reaches to answer the phone) Thanks.
LD: (answers ringing phone) D's, this is L-Dubb.
S: (yells to LD while walking back into his office) You'll get sick because I made sure and licked your phone earlier! *begins making disturbing slurping noises while cranking up "Flogging Molly Radio" on Pandora*
Mrs. B: Excuse me dear, but who's been licking your phone!?!?


I love my job. Really, I do.








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Listening to: Asleep At The Wheel - Across The Alley From The Alamo

Family Guy? Really?

The "Production Manager" (and I use that term lightly) in my office is sitting at his desk watching episodes of Family Guy on Hulu.

He's getting paid three times what I make to watch Family Guy. I think I need to add another rule to my list.

Oh, wait. I'm getting paid to blog about him getting paid to watch Family Guy. Maybe I should go.

Smooches,
L-Dubb





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Listening to: R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts (Live)

The Rules

*We interrupt your regularly-scheduled workday for this lesson in Office Etiquette:101*

I work in an office of all men. I am, literally, the only woman in the building. It has it's perks. It also can drive me to drink some days. Some days like today.

Which brings me to my latest post...a little lesson for men in the area of office etiquette...which I may or may not post on the break room wall 10 minutes from now.

Rules For Being in an Office With a Woman:

1. Please keep all bodily functions, noises, and smells limited to the bathroom or the Shop. I am not certain what kind of a home your wife runs, but in this building I don't need to smell, hear, or see something that came from inside of you. Your wife might think it's cute. Heck, she might even join in. This woman, however, does not see the humor in those sort of shenanigans.
2. Please do not rely on curse words as your adjectives/adverbs of choice. I suppose that swearing like a sailor has it's place. That place would be on a ship. In the ocean. Far, far away from my earshot. Hearing the f-bomb multiple times in the course of one sentence is ridiculous. If you must discuss the "effin' great time you and your effin' kids had on effin' vacation" do so, again, in the bathroom or the Shop.
3. Please do not get into my desk. For any reason. Ever. Period. Amen. I have very very little space in this office that is mine. That space is my desk. I have 3 drawers and I claim every last inch of them. If you need paperclips, pens, envelopes, tape, etc., etc., etc. I would be happy to give them to you. If you ask me first. Also, It doesn't make it "okay" to get in my desk while I'm sitting at it. In fact, that might make it worse. Again, not sure what kind of a home your wife runs, but a woman's desk is just like her purse. You just don't touch it, lest you should retract a bloody stub.
4. Please do not randomly take things from my printer. The reasons are simple, and very similar to the reasons associated with #3. One addition: It does not matter to me if you assume what I've printed is for you. You can't possibly know that. It could be for you. It could also be my plans to blow up the office because you've burped the alphabet one too many times this week. That's just not a risk you should take.
5. Please do not sit on my counter and stare at the side of my head. I enjoy socializing. Shockingly enough, I enjoy socializing with most of you, but only when my work is done. If I am typing while looking at my computer screen I am most likely Facebooking or blogging working. (Or I'm pretending to Facebook or blog work so you'll go away.) Some of us do have things to do. Sitting on my counter and staring at me will not magically cause me to want to socialize with you or listen about what an "effin' good time you had at the effin' Hank Williams Junior concert you effin' went to in effin' Arkansas."
6. Please do not use my bathroom. Ever. There is a men's bathroom for you to use. It's fun in there. You can use whatever language you choose. You can make obscene noises 'til your little heart's content. You can even leave the seat up! My bathroom has rules. You don't like rules, do you? I didn't think so.
7. Please do not show me the horrendously offensive pictures you have on your cell phone. I'm really not even certain why you would think I would want to see those, but I do NOT. Once again, I'm not sure what sort of a home your wife runs (or why she would forward you a picture of a 600-pound woman naked) but around these parts that just doesn't fly. A good rule of thumb: if you and your buddies would laugh at the picture while standing in the back corner of the Shop, I'll probably think it's offensive or gross. Err on the side of caution and just show me pictures of baby animals or George Strait. Thanks.

Please feel free to print your own copy of "Rules For Being in an Office With a Woman" and redistribute as needed. Now I need to get going...I have some things to post in the break room.

*We now return you to your regularly-scheduled workday already in progress*